Good Goddess, it’s been going on since at least January. Maybe mid-December. Sick Doctor Antibiotics Steroids Somewhat Healthy Relapse Sicker Doctor Antibiotics More Steroids Somewhat Healthy Relapse Sicker Doctor Antibiotics Super Dosage of Steroids Somewhat Healthy Specialist.
I’m going down hill again. She didn’t want to give me antibiotics with my last visit, which is when she scheduled the specialist for the 14th, so I’m wondering if I’m supposed to go to him good and sick.
And I thought about changing Doctors and I asked Janie today and when she found out who my Doctor was, she said she had a very good rep.
So I’m sick of being sick. I meaner than mean – and I’m quick to mean in the first place. I’m sick of being sick and I am depressed about it, clearly. I literally cry sometimes because I am so sick of being sick. Sick of the headache the earache the throat ache. My ribs and my back and my kidneys even hurt from coughing.
It’s really hard to fall asleep when you’ve coughed like a tuberculosis patient in the middle of the night.
People ask me how I’m doing and I’ve taken to asking them no to ask me. I know they mean well. I can’t say I’m getting better at this point (so many relapses…and I’m currently sinking into one but praying I can make it through tomorrow so I can sleep all weekend).
So I look at them and shake my head and say I can’t tell you I’m getting better and I know you meean well but please don’t ask because I’m really not getting any better. I hope I do, but that’s where it’s at.
Anyways.
I was hoping that would make me feel better. It hasn’t.
Guess I’ll go hit the Lortab.
Fuck.
